Nomads FROM OUTER SPAAAAACE!!!!!!

Ok, ok, I admit it…. it was my hair. Sorry Peter.

Via the incomparable Warren Ellis, comes an article on UFOs in The Canadian that caught his attention for this one liner by the author:

Who then was the being whose blond hair inexplicably became wrapped around Peter Khoury’s penis?

Indeed, these are the burning questions of our era. Leave it to the Canadians; former Defence Minister Paul Hellyer claims the world governments secretly possess alien tech that can solve global warming. Peter Khoury is an Australian who claims to have been sexually assaulted by two aliens posing as human women.

One looked somewhat Asian, with straight dark shoulder-length hair and dark eyes. The other looked “perhaps Scandinavian-like”, with light-coloured (“maybe bluish”) eyes and long blond hair that fell half-way down her back.

The Scandinavian-like alien, apparently, tied her hair around Peter’s, um, peter. What’s really interesting about the article is that the story was told by “Bill Chalker at a well-attended Chinese UFO conference, which included Chinese scientists”. That would be the 2005 UFO conference in Dalian. In fact, according to his blog, Bill might have even spotted a UFO during the flight to Dalian.

The China connection goes much, much further. According to The Canadian (from Chalkers book “HAIR of the ALIEN – DNA and other Forensic Evidence of Alien Abduction”, which discusses the Khoury case):

After thorough testing of the hair samples, the scientists of the Anomaly Physical Evidence Group arrived at a startling conclusion. The thin blond hair, which appeared to have come from a light-skinned caucasian-like looking woman, could not have come from a normal human of that racial type.

Instead, though apparently ‘human’, the hair showed five distinctive DNA markers that are characteristic of a rare sub-group of the Chinese Mongoloid racial type. (Ed. – so rare Mongoloids are not “normal humans”?)

A detailed survey of the literature on variations in mitochondrial DNA, comprising tens of thousands of samples, showed only four other people on record with all five of the distinctive markers in the blond hair. All four were Chinese, with black hair.

Mitochondrial DNA is passed only from mother to child and therefore offers a means of tracing ancient ancestry on the mother’s side. The findings suggest that all four of the Chinese subjects share a common female ancestor with the blonde woman. But there is no easy explanation for how this could be.

There is an easy explanation. Several. They’re called Xiongnu, Juan-Juan, Scythians, Sogdians, Orkhon, Kyrgyz, Uyghurs… etc. etc.

“Also, given the Asian mongoloid connection, we looked at the problem of European-like rare Asian types in the past,” Mr. Chalker says. “The controversial saga of the Taklamakan mummies in remote Western China is turning the early history of China on its head. These mummies include people who are quite tall, some 6 feet or so, and some are blond. I’m not suggesting a connection here, but you can understand this investigation has opened up all sorts of interesting possibilities about the biological nature of some of the beings implicated in abduction cases.”

There’s actually some people in China who might jump right on this theory that Turkic people are from outer space. It’s not just one conference in Dalian. Plans for a UFO Museum and Research Center in Guiyang have been underway for a couple of years with Taiwan investors, and Chinese news sites have published such great stories as repeating the myth that Neil Armstrong saw a UFO on the moon

One great example is Zhang Hui (张晖), a researcher at the Xinjiang Museum. Zhang Hui has researched and written two books on the Green River Valley in Ili, Xinjiang: Valley of the Cyclops 《独目人山谷》, and the upcoming Connecting Heaven and Earth: Xinjiang and Alien Civilizations 《通天之地: 新疆与外太空文明》. In this article, Zhang Hui argues that what have generally been considered Scythian burial mounds are, in fact, not only 2500 years older, but match the patterns found for crop circles by the Centre for Crop Circle Studies, a British organization that seems to have lost their webpage (contacts here).

Moreover, Zhang Hui argues that the cave paintings at Tangbalei (唐巴勒) depict the “emissaries of a superior civilization”. Who are cyclopses. (is that the plural of cyclops?)

All your cave paintings belong to us.

But he doesn’t stop there. Zhang Hui also contends that stone statues in Altai, which are scatter across Central Asia, are not Turkic in origin, but alien as well, because the carvings resemble modern toolwork and, when viewed from the sky… yup, they resemble crop circles. If Zhang Hui is right, then the Uyghurs can claim a whole new ancestry: Klingon. Soon enough, all of Central Asia will have extraterrestrial roots. If you think nationalism can be annoying now, just wait until it spans solar systems.

In April 2005, Zhang Hui was made an honored citizen of Qinghe County for his work in promoting tourism to the Green Valley Region. In December 2006, he was named one of “China’s Most Influential Innovators of 2006” by the Chinese Academy of Sciences’ China Development Strategy Study Group.

My prayer wheel goes to 11.